you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
