I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
