Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
BRING THE BAGELS
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
