life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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