so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
