I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
