It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
MIDGETS
????
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
