nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
