I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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