I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
