ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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