I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
