I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
