This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
