is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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