So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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