hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
