So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
