Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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