I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
