his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
