You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
