A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I didn't shave. On purpose
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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