Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
