i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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