She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
