If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
