But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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