Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
