So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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