Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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