Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
