You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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