Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
