just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
