Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
