If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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