I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
