Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
