dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
