Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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