also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
