You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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