Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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