Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
