sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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