You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
