So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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