remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
