$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
