I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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